


Pizza, Mon Amour

by brigee (lourrythirst)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: ALSO THERE IS NO FOOD SEX OK, Food, HARRY DOES NOT SEX THE PIZZA, Other, Ridiculous, and basically this happened, i was quite traumatized tbh, i wrote this after my pizza melted when i was in france, idk what i was on when i wrote this ok, just saying, so i thought what if harry went through this situation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-23
Updated: 2013-10-23
Packaged: 2017-12-30 05:10:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1014480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lourrythirst/pseuds/brigee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Your… pizza died?" Liam asked hesitantly, not exactly sure how to handle such a situation. He never had to deal with Harry losing a pizza. "Uhm… Should we… Like… Hold a funeral? Or something?"</p><p>Harry gasped loudly at Liam’s suggestion, feeling a huge smile light up on his face. “You would do that for it? Give it a proper funeral?”</p><p>"Yeah, Harry, we will go to your room in a minute. You’ll be ok until then?" Louis questioned, honestly feeling no shock towards this situation. Harry pulled this shit all the time with other inanimate objects. It happened when his banana was rotten once. Also when he lost his favorite pair of black skinny jeans. Which he owns 100 pairs of. But still.</p><p>or the one where harry is in love with his personal pizza and it tragically dies in a freak melting accident</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pizza, Mon Amour

**Author's Note:**

> basically this same exact thing happened to me when i was in france a few months back and i was really torn up about it (think about your personal pizza melting as you walk back to your hotel room its truly traumatizing) and basically i thought "what would harry do in this situation" because im crazy so i wrote this 2 hours after also dont take this seriously ok

Harry is happy. He has a delicious pizza in one arm and his phone in his hand, excitedly singing an ode to his pizza. He honestly feels like he could write sonnets for this pizza. A whole album of songs for this pizza. A fucking 3 hour play for this pizza. He’s pretty sure he’s in love.

He finally arrives to his hotel, whistling and singing “oh pizza my pizza how I love theeeeee” and quickly scans his card to open his door. He squeaks excitedly, because finally, fucking finally, he could see his one true love. His one and only. His soul mate.

"Come to daddy," he whispers as he sets the box down, slowly opening the box to reveal his-

"No. No no no no no. This can’t happen. This didn’t happen," Harry stares at his pizza, which was once a lovely concoction of ham, mushrooms, and extra cheese, and realized it was melted all on one side of the pizza. His one true love was ruined. It was gone. His pizza was dead and he couldn’t believe it.

He sat in stunned silence for 10 minutes, frozen, as tears streamed down his face. He honestly considered calling 999 to see if they could save his pizza, but then thought of the boys. Yes. His boys would know what to do.

He grabbed his phone from the desk and quickly added all four boys to a five way call. He sat waiting for them to answer, and when they were all connected he whispered into the phone, “Guys… I-It died… My-y pizza… It’s dead! My pizzas melted and it’s dead!”

Zayn mumbled something that sounded vaguely like “idiot” under his breath and hung up, but Liam, Louis, and Niall stood on the phone in silence, absorbing all that their friend had told them.

"Your… pizza died?" Liam asked hesitantly, not exactly sure how to handle such a situation. He never had to deal with Harry losing a pizza. "Uhm… Should we… Like… Hold a funeral? Or something?"

Harry gasped loudly at Liam’s suggestion, feeling a huge smile light up on his face. “You would do that for it? Give it a proper funeral?”

"Yeah, Harry, we will go to your room in a minute. You’ll be ok until then?" Louis questioned, honestly feeling no shock towards this situation. Harry pulled this shit all the time with other inanimate objects. It happened when his banana was rotten once. Also when he lost his favorite pair of black skinny jeans. Which he owns 100 pairs of. But still.

"Yeah, yeah! I’ll be fine! Just be quick," Harry said happily, hanging up and collecting the necessary things for the funeral.

He grabbed the trash can from the bathroom, along with some Lavender scented bath balls and plastic flowers that were in a small vase by the sink. By the time he set them up on a little area in the middle of the floor, he heard a knock at the door and jumped up quickly to open it up to the three boys.

"Guys! You made it! Let’s get this started, I want it to lay in rest. I want it to go in style. With bath balls. And flowers. Lots of flowers," Harry rambled while directing them to his set up, grabbing the melted pizza on his way.

He hands the pizza to Louis, directing his eyes to the wall opposite so he wouldn’t have to see his ruined love. “I-i can’t look at it…. Can you… Can you wrap it back up for me, Lou? Please?” Louis took the pizza, patting Harry’s head as he did, singing a little “shh shh little Harold it’s ok” and sat down by the trash can.

Niall layed on the bed and watched as Liam and Louis put the pizza in the trash can, sprinkling it with the crushed up bath balls and laying the flowers on top.

"Harry, have any departing words for it?" Louis questioned, looking up at the boy. Harry has tears in his eyes, his lip between his teeth as he stared down longingly at his fallen pizza. "You know, like some poem or a prayer or something. It would make this real, you know, proper funeral and all that."

Harry sniffed and wiped his eyes, sitting next to Louis and Liam. He waved Niall over to join them, and they all sat in a circle around his pizza. They grabbed each others hands around the pizza as Harry started speaking.

"P-pizza… I know we were only together for a short time, like 15 minutes, b-but you were everything to me. I swear, when I saw your name on the menu, I felt a connection, an instant tug towards your cheesy, hammy mushroomness. You were only 12 pounds, and even if you were cheap, I know you would have been the tastiest pizza on the block… I… I love you so much pizza… May you rest in peace, whatever pizza heaven you end up in."

Harry mumbled an “amen” and the other boys followed, and Louis looked to Harry to close the lid of the trash can. Harry blinked back his unshed tears and closed the can, letting out a sob as the metal clinked shut.

"Ok, Harry, let’s go out and get a drink or something. My treat," Liam said, standing and walking towards the door. Harry gave one last longing look at the burial site of his one true love, his soulmate, his pizza, and walked towards the door.

"Goodbye, love of my life…" Harry mumbled as the door shut behind him.

What he didn’t know was that Niall stood behind, picking the plastic flowers and scraping the bath balls off of the pizza and proceeded to eat it. What Harry didn’t know won’t hurt him.

**Author's Note:**

> what is wrong with me


End file.
